Can you be my Dad?

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Can you be my Dad?

This is a very personal story, one I share as I understand the importance of a positive male role in the lives of young kids.

I am very close to my nephew; we had a tight bond. We love basketball; I remember him as a little youth, always challenging me to one-on-one games. I would take it easy on him, let the games be close, but never let him win. At the time, I was a single dad with 2 kids, just keeping my head above water with all my life responsibilities. I can still see his face in this one specific conversation.

"Why do I call you uncle, and they call you Dad? Can I call you Dad?"

Wow, as I type this, my eyes start to water. I had no idea what to say. I explained to him that I loved him very much and that I would always be there for him, but I could not be his Dad.

For everyone that knows us, even though I said that I still played a very vital role in his life. He was always with me and the kids doing stuff. I recall running behind him, teaching him to ride a bike. I took him back to school shopping and got his first computer. As a teenager, he ditched hanging with his friends every Friday night to play ball with me and the fellas.

He had the heart of a true hustler and worked hard to purchase his car. My wife and I took him under our wing to teach him financial literacy, both from a cash flow perspective and an investing standpoint. He was determined to be financially independent and went the entrepreneur route as a barber. The first time he cut my hair, it took him over an hour, but I was patient because I believed in him and wanted to show my support. He was also very creative, making his logo and merchandising it on clothing. Another idea he was working on was a barber chair that gave you a massage as your hair was being cut.

He was always at our family gatherings, no questions asked. But sometimes, he isolated himself; he felt he did not belong. One night in the winter of 2021, we were all helping my son move to his new place. My nephew sat in the front seat of my car, looking sad at the end of the night. I knew why. I looked at him and asked if he remembered our conversation as a young child about me being his Dad. He looked down.

"Yes, I do"

"Listen little man. I know what I said that day and how it stuck with you, and I know you sometimes feel out of place. I want to reflect on our relationship; I have always treated you as my own. I love you very much."

Not moving his head, he acknowledged what I said. "I know uncle; I appreciate everything you and auntie have done for me."

I reached out and hugged him. "You are my son."

That conversation was much needed at that moment and carried much weight and meaning. Moving on to that summer, June 5th. I had a bad day on the golf course; nothing was going right. I never have my phone on while golfing, but I decided to check it. Several missed calls, "what happening?" I asked myself. As I'm bout to check my messages, the phone rings again, and I pick up, it's my wife … Little man passed away.

A life of so much drive and potential was cut short as he was called home to his heavenly father. He had drowned early that morning on a weekend cottage getaway with his friends. The boat tipped over in the rough waters, and he was not wearing a life jacket.

All 3 of my kids can swim, and I look back and wonder why he was also not at those swimming lessons.

I mentioned earlier that I would not let him beat me at basketball when he was younger. I did not say that I remember the first of many times that he did beat me as a young adult. As a father figure, you don't forget when your child surpasses you. I remember he was so happy and excited in that moment, yet humble. I was very disappointed at myself then but very proud of him. One of many bonding moments that I cherish.

I love you Champ, continue driving to the net.

XOXO

Please see our membership page for a follow-up article on the importance of Fatherhood and male role models.

Please see our membership page for a follow up article on the importance of Fatherhood and male role models in general. Membership — Blessed Ways of Life

Related story: Disciplining Your Child — Blessed Ways of Life

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